Undignified

(Free writing—a take on 2 Samuel 6)

The sound of gongs fills the space. Empty clanging, metallic noise. It is the sound of head-dwelling and heart avoidance; a mechanical absence of love.

Where is love?

If you judge me and I judge you and we merely intellectualise, who is the more “righteous” of the two? In this competitive to and fro, there must always be a winner and a loser. Mustn’t there?

In our tit for tat we have lost sight of freedom and grace and instead we have camped around right and wrong where sweeping judgments have been issued through the same old song on loop: “I am better than you and you feel you’re better than me; my intelligence is superior which makes you inferior, da-da-da diddledee—dee…” Round and round we go. Round and round. Round and round.

On loop. On loop. On loop.

Only seeing in part but never in full, using the Word to silence and still the voices of others, while love has been told it’s not welcome.

Where are our hearts? Where have they gone?

The mirror is partial; the argument dull. Tell me, sincerely, oh “learned” and “wise”, who wins this battle of wit and spite? And why must there be a winner and a loser or a greater and lesser?

Count me out. I’m done.

Find me dancing with abandon in the room in undignified ways—I will become even more undignified than this. I will look like I am foolish and simple in a world full of experts and book-smart geniuses lecturing from prize-winning universities and political platforms. I am willing to be simple, for I cannot survive any other way.

My heart wishes to revel in simple gratitude for every moment of freedom He ☝️ has given me. It wishes to revel outside the naysaying of other’s voices. As I sing I will allow full stops and commas to disappear and for exclamations to evolve because in this space grace becomes real and so does my own humanity before His supernatural ability!

I’ll remove the boxes from my head as well as the boxes I reserved for Him.

The supernatural becomes louder because I discover I am born again from above from the kingdom that is backwards, instead of born once into superiority through my own intellect.

Do I look and sound like a fool? Yes.

Gladly.

Humbly.

In this space I am declared “lesser” by the world. And that’s ok. Fine by me. I choose to allow myself to be seen as ridiculous. In fact, i will dance all the more.

This voice will sing from the Kingdom within because finding my identity from external sources is too hard. Too exhausting. I choose to enter love, stop the loop, allow grace, and… become like a little child again.